Sickness of the Mind
by Adicea
Summary: Haruka and Amara switch places.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! I haven't had time to write recently, in case you haven't noticed. I'm still working on Monster of the Sands, yes, it's not a dead fic, so there. Classes suck up so much time.

Here's a silly little story that's not exactly written well for you. It's peppered with F-bombs, I warn you now.

* * *

><p>Sickness of the Mind<p>

or

Prepare for Trouble-Make it Double.

The only thing that registers in Amara's half-asleep brain is that someone is licking her nipple.

Eyes still closed, she moans slightly, reaching out and feeling around for whoever is doing this. One hand falls on long, silky hair; the other hand soon follows, and her fingers twist and knot themselves into the person's hair as they continue their ministrations. She arches a bit as the person begins nibbling their way down her stomach, alternating between sucking and licking on her sensitive skin as they reach her thighs, and finally—

"Oh, god," she swears, tightly burying her hands in their hair.

As soon as she says that, they stop, and lift their head from between her thighs. "Why are you speaking in English?" they say in an unmistakably female voice, tinged with a thick Japanese accent. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for the accent, the person would sound exactly like—

Amara opens her eyes to see the naked form of her cousin—her _cousin_—straddling her almost possessively. She opens her mouth to say something, and closes it again; dumbfounded, she reaches up with a shaky hand and points to her cousin's body. She points to her own body, which is very, very naked.

After a few seconds of being frozen, she pulls herself from underneath her cousin and sits up in the _very _rumpled bed. "What the actual fuck?" she finally manages.

"So I wasn't imagining the whole English thing," her cousin says in that funny Japanese accent again. "And, um. Are you feeling all right?" Michelle presses her body close, raises her lips to the hollow of Amara's neck, and the Scout of Wind simply stares for a few moments before she leaps out of the bed.

"What the actual fuck?" she repeats, grabbing the sheets to cover her nudity. "I—I—since when did you think it was all right to molest me in my sleep?"

Michelle blinks and looks off to the side, obviously feeling a little awkward now. "Since we got married," she says, and she holds up her left hand. A diamond ring shines on her ring finger.

Amara looks down at her left hand. Sure enough, there is a matching ring on her own finger. Her mouth falls open.

"They allow—oh my god, we're cousins and—"

"Haruka..." Michelle says in a strange tone, "since when have we been cousins?"

"It's Amara," the Scout of Wind snaps, "and we've been cousins since we were born, Michelle."

"It's Michiru."

Amara's eyebrows raise. "What sort of a name is that?"

Michel—no, _Michiru_ laughs awkwardly and says, "What sort of name is Amara?"

"It's Greek," Amara says, staring at the still-naked woman. "Or something. My parents didn't really care about what language it came from. They just liked the name."

"Well," Michiru stretches out languorously as she speaks, "Michiru is a Japanese name, meaning to rise."

"To rise?" Amara blinks, staring at her face _and not at her boobs or anything_. "So your name is a verb. That's like if I was named 'To-Run' or something. That's really strange."

Michiru stares at her. "Says the woman who has magically replaced my wife while I slept."

The Scout of Wind shudders as Michiru says _wife_, looking away from her. "Dude. You're my cousin," she says. "Can you, um, turn around? I'm going to get dressed."

Sighing, the Japanese woman obliges, and Amara strides to what she assumes is this Haruka's closet. She opens it and rifles through the various shirts and pairs of pants for a few moments before selecting an outfit. "Where does Haruka keep her underwear?" she asks, the foreign name strange on her tongue. "If you know, that is... um..."

Still turned around, Michiru gestures to a nearby dresser. "Top right drawer," she says without a second's thought. Amara blinks, and walks over to the dresser. Opening the drawer, she grabs a pair of underwear and a bra at random and shuts it quickly. "You know," she says as she pulls Haruka's clothes on, "you're taking this quite well. I would be panicking if I found that my boyfriend had been magically replaced with a guy who looks exactly like him, but is my cousin."

Michiru looks at her from the corner of her eye. "Nothing's surprising any more after we adopted Hotaru."

"Hot..." The word dies on Amara's lips. "You adopted her? We left Professor Tomo to take care of her."

"Well," Michiru looks down at her nails, "a situation came up and she was forced to become Saturn again. And it's Tomoe, not Tomo. You're forgetting to pronounce the E."

Amara stops buttoning up Haruka's shirt and pinches the bridge of her nose, sighing.

* * *

><p>Her bed is cold.<p>

Haruka stretches her arm out and finds nothing but empty space. Strange; Michiru had promised to wake her up with some lovely morning sex, and Haruka desperately wants to collect on that promise.

"Michiru...?" she mumbles groggily, cracking open an eye. "Where's the tongue-fucking I was prom..."

She trails off as she finally sees that she is the only person in the bed. The sheets twist and coil around her as she sits up, rubbing her eyes. There is only one pillow on the bed, she notes, and as she looks about the room, she sees nothing of her wife.

"Michiru?" she repeats.

Sighing, she rubs her chin and reaches over to her nightstand for her reading glasses. "Where is she?" the Senshi of Wind wonders aloud as her hand fumbles around on the surface of the wicker nightstand. After several seconds, she looks down.

Her reading glasses, which had been a birthday gift from Ami, are not there.

She looks to the right of where her hand rests on the nightstand. Her wedding picture isn't there either.

Several thoughts run through her head at once, the most dominant one being _Did she leave in the middle of the night? Did she take all of her things with her? Oh my god, am I not good enough?_

She leaps out of bed, barely noticing that she is clothed in dark blue pajamas, and bursts from the room.

"Michiru!" she calls to the hallway. She opens every door along the hallway. "Downstairs?" she mutters, half-hoping that Michiru is still in the house, that the Senshi of Sea has not left her, that—

"Did you need something, Amara?" a voice asks in English.

"Wha—" she says, whirling around with her henshin stick out.

Michiru stands in front of her, holding a toothbrush in her right hand. She wears a light green nightgown that, for the life of her, Haruka cannot remember her ever wearing before.

"When did you get that?" she asks, pointing to the nightgown.

Michiru blinks and stares at her. "Did you have a bad dream or something? You're, um, speaking a foreign language," she says in English, obviously not understanding Haruka. The Senshi of Wind sighs.

"When did you get that?" she repeats, switching to English this time.

"Daniel bought it for me. Remember?" Michiru looks down at the nightgown. "What's with the accent?"

Haruka's eyebrows furrow. "I'm not the one who has an accent," she says, jabbing a finger to Michiru's chest, "you are. Since when do you have an American accent? And who the hell is Daniel?"

"My boyfriend," Michiru says, looking at Haruka as though it should be obvious.

A strange sense of panic comes over the Senshi of Wind. "You... your boyfriend?" she says, feeling her legs go numb. "And when were you going to tell me you had a boy... a boyfriend?"

"I told you last week, remember?"

"No..." Haruka looks down. "...why?"

"Why what?" Michiru asks.

"I... I thought we had such a perfect relationship," Haruka says, beginning to tear up a little. "And now you tell me you have a boyfriend? Michiru, our anniversary was next week..."

Michiru blinks. "Who's Michiru?" she says. "My name is Michelle."

And that stops Haruka cold. "You're who?" she says in disbelief.

"Michelle Kaioh. Like how you're named Amara Tenoh. Remember, you have a boyfriend, and his name is Colin...?"

"Amara? What? No, that's not my name!" Haruka shakes her head vehemently. "No, I'm Haruka. Tenoh Haruka. And I," she points to herself, "am your wife." She holds up her left hand, proudly displaying her wedding ring.

Michelle's face distorts into a cacophony of expressions that Haruka could never imagine Michiru making.

"You're my cousin, Amara," she says after several minutes. "I don't think they've legalized first-cousin marriages here in California."

Haruka blinks. "What the fuck?" she says. "I distinctly remember doing you last night, and you begged for more, and you pleaded with me, and it was so goddamn hot that I came from just listeni—"

Michelle's face is bright red, and Haruka soon realizes that she should shut up.

* * *

><p>"Really?" Sailor Pluto says to the Space-Time Door as it coughs up some mucus. "<em>This <em>is what happens when you get sick? You break the dimensional boundary lines and accidentally switch a few people around? God, I really need to go get some antibiotics for you. I'll be back, okay? Try not to hack up a lung."

The Guardian of Time sighs as she finally realizes something. "And I have to go explain to all of the switched people what happened to them... shit, I hate my job sometimes..."

* * *

><p>The door creaks open and Amara looks over. "Trista?" she asks, blinking at the tanned woman. "You know Michel...Michiru's naked, right?"<p>

"She's used to it," Michiru pipes up from behind her, "and did you seriously just call her Trista? Her name is Setsuna, thank you."

The tanned woman holds up her hand before Amara can begin arguing. "I'm Pluto for now," she says to the Scout of Wind. "If you haven't figured out already, you're kind of in the wrong dimension."

"Oh, I figured it out when this woman who looks exactly like my cousin tried sexing me up," Amara says with a deadpan face. "So can you send me home? I really need to get back to my lovely boyfriend Colin. I'm sure he's worried sick about me."

Michiru retches behind her.

"Unfortunately, no." Pluto sighs, and for the first time, Amara notices the bags beneath her eyes. "The Space-Time Door is sick with some kind of viral infection, which means it went and switched a bunch of people from different dimensions willy-nilly. Thankfully, there are only two dimensions involved in your particular switch: yours and Haruka's, who is this dimension's version of you." She shudders. "Would have been such a mess if it was seven dimensions like that bit with the Handsome Soldiers... but, um, anyway, as soon as the Space-Time Door gets better, you'll be able to go back to your particular dimension."

"So wait," Michiru interjects, "Haruka is with another version of me who is her cousin? Or this one's cousin, anyway? And this other version of me likes _men_? And this one has a boyfriend?"

Pluto nods.

With that, Michiru stands up, the sheets whipping around her, and calls her henshin stick to her hand. "Neptune Planet Power, Make-Up!" she says, and she transforms in a flash of light into the Senshi of Sea. "We need to rescue her," the aqua-haired woman says urgently, "before this _man _can get to her. Colin, his name was?" She doesn't wait for Amara's nod, and keeps speaking. "I'm going to find him and crush him if he even lays so much as a hand on my Haruka."

Amara looks back at her. "You're kind of... possessive, aren't you?" she says nervously.

* * *

><p>"Wha-what-guh-" Haruka says incoherently as the jock leans in for a "hello" kiss. Stepping back, she punches him in the face, and the boy stumbles away with a hand on his cheek.<p>

"Babe, what did you do that for?" he asks, staring at her with disgustingly loving eyes. "Look, I know the sex wasn't all that great this weekend, but—"

He is interrupted when Haruka punches him again.

"Seriously, I don't know what the hell you're thinking," she says, "but I am _not _the person you think I am."

"Oh." He rubs his bright red cheek. "In that case, wanna fuck? I'm sure my girlfriend won't mind. Besides, you look exactly like her."

Haruka's jaw drops, but before she can sputter anything out, someone interrupts with a screechy high-pitched voice. "Oh, Amara! It's you!"

She looks down. "Chibiusa?" she mumbles.

The pink-haired girl laughs. "What sort of word is that?" she says, still giggling. "My name's Rini. You know that."

"What the hell sort of a name is Rini?" Haruka mumbles.

"What? I couldn't hear you. Oh, hey! Serena! Amara's over here, I know you wanted to ask her a question!"

The odango-atama runs over and stares with an open mouth at Haruka, who by now feels slightly unnerved. "Amara," she begins, "I need to ask you a question."

"Shoot."

Serena blinks. "What an interesting accent..." she says quietly, "but anyway, how do you, um, er, that is, what's your technique for..." she trails off and, looking a little red in the face, mimes sucking on something. "You know... when you want to please Colin..."

Haruka's jaw drops again, but this time, she turns firetruck red.

"Uh. Look, I'm not who you think I am. I'm not Amara," she says, feeling quite embarassed.

"Then why did you answer when I said Amara?" the rabbit of the moon asks.

Haruka opens her mouth to speak, but closes it again; she cannot find anything to say.

* * *

><p>"Spending time in other dimensions," Pluto finally says as she turns to leave, "is going to have some strange side-effects. It's going to make you more like... like the original inhabitant of that dimension."<p>

"So if I stay here long enough, I'm going to become exactly like Haruka?" Amara says flatly.

"And Haruka will become exactly like you." And with that, Pluto blinks out of the universe.


	2. Chapter 2

Pluto is not prepared for what Haruka does as soon as the Guardian of Time walks into the park.

The Senshi of Wind rushes up to her, grabs her shoulders, and breathes, "Get me out of here." Her eyes are strangely lucid, though they have the look of a madwoman, and she stares at Pluto unblinkingly as she repeats, "Get me out of here."

"Uh," Pluto stammers, "hi?"

"I don't care what the hell happened with time or some shit like that. You'd better get me out of here," Haruka says. "This is the most terrifying place I've ever been to, and I'm afraid that if I stick around too long I'll get... I'll get _infected_."

"I-infected?"

"I'll turn into one of _them_. I'm already answering to this really weird name that they keep calling me—Amara or something like that—and I keep thinking—I keep thinking that Michiru is my cousin," Haruka says in horror. "Setsuna, what kind of fucked-up place is this?"

"Oh, Trista!" Serena says as she walks up next to Haruka. "Hey, I wanted to ask you a question."

Haruka's eyes bug out as she says in Japanese, "Don't let her. Don't let her. I don't need to hear that question again."

"What is it, Serena?" Pluto says with the distinct feeling that she will regret this.

Haruka facepalms.

"Why is Amara speaking in Japanese and claiming that her name's not Amara?" Serena asks.

Haruka pauses and looks up from facepalming. "That wasn't the question I was expecting," she says quietly. "And I'm doing all that because I'm not this person you call Amara, even if I'm starting to answer to the name."

"About that..." Pluto begins. "Serena, could you call the Scouts and tell them that we're having a meeting at Raye's temple? And get Colin, too. I'm sure he's wondering what's going on."

"Sure thing, Trista!" Serena chirps happily, and she skips away.

"Haruka," Pluto says as soon as the Scout of the Moon is out of earshot, "let me just tell you what's going on. You're in another dimension."

"You think I haven't figured that out yet?" Haruka hisses. "This place or dimension or whatever is a madhouse. It's completely different from my own. Just send me home, Setsuna."

"Um." Pluto clears her throat, dreading what she is about to say. "You're kind of, um, how do I say it... stuck here for a bit."

Haruka is silent for a few minutes before she growls, "There's got to be a way to get ba—"

"No," Setsuna says, cutting her off. "The Space-Time Door has an infection of some sort and until it gets better, it's impossible for you to return home. I know that's not the answer you want, but that's the truth."

"...fine. So I'm stuck here. Can you at least make it so they stop calling me Amara? And why the hell am I answering to that name, anyway?"

* * *

><p>As she bites down on her sandwich, Michelle hears a voice yell, "WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M GOING TO TURN STRAIGHT?"<p>

Sighing, she shakes her head and pats Daniel's hand. "Did you hear that, dear?" she asks.

"Huh?" Daniel looks up from the wine list. "Hear what?"

Michelle looks to the window. "Nothing. Nothing at all, darling."

* * *

><p>"So, um, Michiru," Amara says awkwardly, "why are we sneaking into Pluto's room?"<p>

"To see if her giant key is around here, of course," the Japanese woman says. "I can't let your world infect my poor Haruka. So if we find Pluto's key, we'll sneak over to the Space-Time Door and hop back to your dimension. How do you think Pluto is able to hop between dimensions herself?"

"Maybe it's a failsafe feature the first Guardian of Time built in case something like this happened?" Amara guesses.

"No, that's too convenient and easy of an explanation," Michiru says. "Now shut up and search."

* * *

><p>As the Inner Scouts shuffle into Raye's temple, they chatter excitedly among themselves about what Trista could possibly have to say. "Do you think she's finally going to announce her love for future King Darien?" Lita wonders. "I mean, she <em>does <em>have a lot of talent and all..."

"Oh, Lita," Amy says, "we all know you're the one with the most talent around here." She pats the Scout of Thunder's shoulder, smiling.

"Hey, she is _not _in love with my snookie-wookie Darien! That be totally unradical!" Serena says. "Anyway, I think it's about why Amara's been talking with a funny accent and claiming she's not Amara. I mean, what else could it possibly be about, Rini getting erased from the future because I accidentally put on a blue sweater instead of the red one?"

"Hey!" Rini says angrily, but no one listens to her.

"Shut up, Serena," Raye mutters.

"Oh, hey! Here she comes!" Mina says, pointing to the door. On cue, Pluto walks into the room, with the blonde racer, Michelle, and... is that Colin? following her.

"Sit," Pluto says, and they all do. "In case you haven't noticed yet, Amara here," she gestures to the racer standing next to her, "isn't Amara. This is another version of Amara from another dimension."

"Gee, make me sound like an object, will you," the racer mutters.

"Her name is Tenoh Haruka. In her dimension, all of you are Japanese superheroes called the Sailor Senshi. She's also married to that dimension's version of Michelle, who's named Kaioh Michiru."

"Eww, aren't they cousins?" Lita asks. Pluto sighs deeply.

"Not in that dimension, they aren't. They met only a year after you defeated the Negaverse—"

"What the hell's a Negaverse?" Haruka interrupts.

"Think the Dark Kingdom, except with a stupid name," Pluto says.

"Oh. Go on."

"Now, Haruka is unfortunately stuck here for the time being because the Time Door is sick, but I'm trying my best to get it better so we can return her to her dimension and get Amara back here. Until then, please treat her as you would any other ally." Pluto looks around tiredly. "Any questions?"

Mina raises her hand, and Pluto nods to her. Putting her arm down, she places her hands over Rini's ears and says, "So how do you and Miche—Michiru—have sex anyway? Isn't it just a bunch of awkward kissing?"

Before Haruka can answer, bright red as her face is, Raye smacks the Scout of Love on the back of the head. "We're in a _temple_, Mina," she hisses. "Holy grounds."

"Yeah, I'd like to know too," Colin pipes up, a lecherous grin on his face. His gaze flicks between Michelle and Haruka almost hungrily, and the racer is suddenly overcome with the desire to punch him in the face again.

So she does.

* * *

><p>"That didn't work out so well, did it?" Michiru says, sighing. "Jeez, and I thought Haruka and I had a lot of toys... she must be really lonely..."<p>

Amara's gaze isn't all there as the violinist turns to look at her. The Scout of Wind seems almost shellshocked, with a vacant, blank look in her eyes and the slight tremble in her entire body. "Um," Michiru says, waving her hand in front of the American's face, "are you all right?"

"So many..." Amara mumbles. "So... so many..."

Closing her eyes, the Senshi of Sea shakes her head. "God, our American counterparts must be prudes or something," she says to no one in particular—and then a thought occurs to her. "Hotaru-chan, can you come over here?" she yells to the hallway. "I need your help for something with Haruka-papa."

"Yes, mama, I'll be just a second," Hotaru says; true to her word, she rushes over to the violinist a few seconds later. "What do you need?"

Michiru ruffles her daughter's hair fondly. "The Time Door your Setsuna-mama works with has gotten sick, and Haruka-papa has been swallowed into another dimension. The version of Haruka-papa from that dimension has gotten stuck here. Do you think..." she pauses to grin gleefully, "do you think that maybe you could cure the Time Door with your healing powers? I'm sure that Amara-san here—that's her name, Hotaru-chan—wants to go back to her own dimension, and I'm sure Haruka-papa wants to come back to us, but they can't do that unless the Time Door is cured."

"Sure, I bet I can do it!" Hotaru says cheerfully. "When will Setsuna-mama get back from the Time Door so she can take me to it?"

Michiru smiles. "I think she'll be home soon."

* * *

><p>"So," Colin says as Haruka walks back to her—no, <em>Amara's<em>—car, "you sure you don't want to have sex with me? I mean, Trista explained that you were eventually going to become Amara, so you'll eventually become my girlfriend anyway because Amara loves me, so why not start now?"

Haruka punches him in the face again.

* * *

><p>imjce: Haruka's not the only inhabitant of Homoland. You're forgetting Michiru.<p>

Galaxia's Star Seed: Thanks. And you'll see... *shifty eyes*

studiocanopuslove: Have you tried Red Wine, my other humorous fic? Granted, it's from more than a year ago and reads like it was made on crack (and also doesn't have much in the way of a plot (and you might have already read it, I forget these things)), but it's still a fairly decent fic. If you don't like serious stuff, don't try Monster of the Sands. It tries a little too much to be serious and depressing. Anyway, thank you for the compliments.

SeraEris: Yeah... poor Colin, hm?

Tenoh and Kaioh: Are you sure that's going to be the plot?

FaintFiction: I am _way _too busy these days, what with the five classes I'm taking. Damn Cal I. I've always intended to continue Monster of the Sands, I just haven't had a whole lot of time. My load is starting to lighten a bit, though, so I'll have updates as often as I can now.


End file.
